Adoption

Blair McPherson

The adoption process is stressful. First you have to decide whether your life style is compatible with providing a good home. How much do you want this?Is one of you prepared to put your career on hold even if only in the short term. Have you thought about the restrictions on your social life and holidays? People do make cover arrangements but if neglect has been an issue the agency will not be impressed by a couple who go out all day and use a succession of minders.

Have you an ideal in mind? Be prepared to fall in love with one who is nothing like this. When you go to the centre emotions tend to take over and you will be struck by how many need a loving home. Even the briefest of background stories will make you realise that so many have had a bad start in life, often they have been abused and neglected. Some have already had a number of foster homes which haven't worked out, behaviour problems, unable to get on with others running off, fighting and biting.

Be prepared for a longer introduction programme than you were expecting. A few short outings to get to know each other, a visit with the rest of the family, so far so good. The worker seems to have doubts about our suitability, nothing they say directly but they seem to be putting little obstacles in the way, may be its just that they have seen too many enthusiastic introductory visits only for people to have seconds thoughts. The fact that we visit each day when we say we will seems to be wining her over and convincing her we are serious.

My wife has bonded she thinks of this as our new family for all but the paper work. She starts hassling the staff for a time table, she worries that " Meg" will be confused that we keep visiting but don't take her home, she tells me she is not sleeping because she is thinking of "Meg" in that cold drafty barn of a place when she could have a warm bed here. She has already told family and friends about a new addition to the family and put " Meg's picture on her FaceBook page.

You know you can provide a good loving home and Meg certainly needs one but whilst you and Meg may be hitting it off you have not yet been approved as an adopter. Everything depends on a successful home visit. The house is clean, the garden tidy, you have already bought a new bed and some toys, you're ready to answer questions about your experience of caring. Disaster, your friendly family pet bites the Home Visitor. She is not sure she can make a placement in a home with such an aggressive animal. You are horrified and say it is totally out of character. However secretly you think your dog is a good judge of character this women has been rubbing you up the wrong way ever since you met the first time you visited the centre. Now she is saying she will need to do another home visit and is not sure she will be able to approve the placement. You detect implied criticism of your dog handling skills. She leaves a leaflet on local dog training courses for owners. The cheek of the woman.

We could ask for a different worker but if we do that will it just go against us. We could go to another centre but the other one locally is where they tried to get us to adopt two older sisters. We took them out for the afternoon but we didn't click and despite being told they were as good as gold one of them weed on the carpet!

We will just have to stick with this worker after all Meg is worth it, she is such a cute little dog.

Blair McPherson www.blairmcpherson.co.uk

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